Tuesday, December 31, 2013

New Years Eve - New Years Plan

Well this last two weeks has been a crazy up and down ride of emotions, from scared to frustrated to relief to just wondering what the hell makes any sense anymore!

It started with cold tingling feet... leg swelling.... high blood sugars... thoughts of blood clots and chest surgery... Oh the joy... one hospital visit and three Dr appointments later I think I am narrowing in on what is happening.

The bad part? Doesn't look like jogging is anytime in my immediate future.

The good part? I am alive! And overall pretty healthy....

So, it turns out I am diabetic... ouch.... which isn't a huge surprise because my maternal and paternal family is full of diabetics (parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc) but I have really worked hard to stay healthy so I am not very happy.

I have a problem with a swelling leg... its NOT a blood clot or a host of other things but it "MAY" be an injury that is draining into leg (not doing MRI at this time due to not having the ability to take time off work for surgery etc). This makes sense because I had a bad fall in October which banged my knee up. It was swollen and purple for weeks.. sigh... OR the swelling could be my lymph nodes draining - which also makes sense because I have increased my fermented foods/kombucha etc in an effort to detox.... and the Dr. even grudgingly admitted that could be part of what is going on.....

And it looks like some kind of auto-immune stuff going on.

SO the answer? I have zero clue. The Dr. and I argued over medication (and my refusal of meds) and stated that he is giving me 30 days to show that I can manage my numbers and make changes for the better. So, I am. I go back January 31st.

I have thought about this quite a bit in the last several days and think that the very best way to manage at this time is to engage in another Whole30. This will not only manage my blood sugars but also begin working on a lot of the auto immune issues that appear to be plaguing me...

I think I will record my progress here and over on SparkPeople. I think its somewhat ironic that it lines up with the new year!!!

So HERE is to 2014!!!

Sunday, December 1, 2013

Spoke too soon!! 5K in APRIL!!!!

I JUST blogged about not doing a 5K anytime soon. See what happens when I make plans? The universe conspires against me!

Over Thanksgiving weekend (which I actually lost a pound, Thank You!) I was talking with my three lovely young adult daughters (when did they become adults??) and we decided we are all going to train and do our first 5K together!

Each spring our area has a Pear Blossom Festival with a 5K run. I have wanted to do this since I was a child. I remember our school secretary training for it, I would watch her jog by in her purple sweat suit and terry cloth headband and I would dream of being HER! She gave me advice to run from one telephone pole then walk to the next and alternate.... I tried so hard.

Nobody advised me that I would have to pay money.... and drive 50 miles away.... and have an adult... so that dream was lost.

However I secretly have always wanted to do it so here we go! That gives me roughly 17 weeks to get ready to run my first ever 5K!

SO excited!

I  worked out today, spend 25 minutes doing cardio (elliptical) and 30 minutes on weights. It feels good, I had so much energy afterwards! Plan on starting Yoga this week as well, though I have to admit to being more then a little intimidated by that!

Here goes the first week of December!

Saturday, November 30, 2013

Back in the saddle again

I realized that I have forgotten all about this blog, likely because I was so busy with my entire world turning upside down that exercise, internet and blogging were at the bottom of my list. A down and dirty list of changes since July?  Oh well.... after the accident I realized I did not want to live 2200 miles from family anymore so I quit my job, fell in love, moved 2200 miles away, left my love back in Arkansas, moved to a new town, started a new job, made plans for my love to join me, had the flu, busted up my knee and finally.... JOINED THE GYM!


After knee injury from falling off the rocks and dangling over the ocean while the tide came in.... not something I recommend.... I began to wonder if I should pursue the 5K now that I have 2 bad knees. Well... I am not giving up yet however the first two runs I did (SHORT runs) resulted in swelling of the knee. It was zero fun. So I joined the gym, plan on working off the weight and maybe once my muscles build and my weight goes away I can once again start jogging.

There is a 5K in my future. I know there is. I just don't want to bust up my body in order to achieve it!

So, now I am settled in a cottage by the sea, I have only two.. TWO kids with me. I have a great new job that I enjoy, I am able to go to the gym daily. What's not to love?

I will keep updated. I am at Sparkpeople but I am not sure that I always find it the most helpful, primarily because I don't follow the standard diet. All the "low fat" and "sugar free" topics just scream CHEMICALS to me, and since I work hard to avoid that well. . . . sigh . . . But support and interaction is good! I can vent here :D

Sunday, July 14, 2013

Grateful heart and restarting

I haven't posted in awhile. I was busy going on my way, hit my HUGE 25 pound weight loss and joined a BLC challenge on Sparkpeople. Life was bumping along.

Then the worst experience of my life happened. Driving home and saw a horrible wreck with a car still upside down on side of road, people trapped inside.

Saw a woman holding a baby, yelling about a boy on the ground.

I recognized in that awful moment it was my two daughters and my two grandchildren.

There are no words that can convey the horror of that moment... of the moments following... of the screaming that poured from my soul in ways that I have never experienced.

What happened next was a blur of lights, police, ambulance (who arrived after I did) and my children's screams. It was rushing to the hospital behind the ambulance and hysterically running into four rooms to look at all my babies faces. It was shock and absolute gratefulness that all four children survived a car wreck in which they plunged down an embankment and flipped 4-5 times. All over a deer. One lone deer crossing the road.

God is good, all of them were spared. My sweet 12 year old cheerleader has a serious concussion but was out of the hospital the next day. My adult daughter is in pain but is moving. The grandkids came through with bumps and bruises. Praise God.

I recognized several days ago I am having serious tummy issues... I feel bloated and tired... I am edgy...Initially the fogginess and exhaustion I contributed to the trauma and stress of accident (and that probably is partially true) but I also began to realize I wasn't paying any attention to what I was eating AND I realized that I haven't exercised since the accident. Ouch.

My diet has been a mix of hospital food, lots of comfort food as I cooked for my daughter. She wanted spaghetti... manicotti... mashed potatoes... cinnamon rolls, coffee cake and lots of bread. I am more then happy to give her anything that makes her heart happier right now and didn't give any thought to eating it myself.

I don't do grains. Grains hurt my belly bad. Really bad.

SO, I am recommitting to the Whole30 again. I think this is the best program to clean up your system and feel better. My teenager is flying back from a month in Oregon on Tuesday and will definitely need to adjust to a better diet as well. She has gallbladder issues and is in quite a bit of pain when she eats any form of gluten and grains so... Tomorrow will be returning back to our home and starting back on the whole30 to get the entire home back in shape. And I will begin running again.

I am almost to the point I can breathe again... almost.... the bruises and marks still panic my mama heart....

Saturday, June 22, 2013

Shuffling through the weeks and ranting about the SAD

I have so many thoughts, and probably thoughts that shouldn't be shared but heck with it, I am sharing it anyway... That's how I roll

First, not running has taken its impact on me. Not really on a physical level, but more emotionally. I started out hating it, but now that I haven't run in a month I am really missing it. Exercising at home is still effective, but the emotions, the energy rush, the feeling of accomplishment is not the same. I am SO ready for my daughter to come home so I can get out and run again.

Which brings me to a rant.

I had a coworker come to me and tell me she was "concerned" because she had "heard" that I was running. She thinks that its not very healthy for me. She is worried about my joints. She thinks I need to reconsider.


I didn't ask her, or share with her, or consult her because... I don't know her and its none of her damn business.

Why do people get into info that isn't thiers to hold? I took a deep breath and explained that 1) I have researched this 2) I have good supportive shoes, 3) I was quite comfortable in my decision.

Soon, I had another person come to me with concerns because they know I use a lot of coconut oil products and butter. They have a lot of thoughts about that. They offered to show me this new program of prepackaged food and chemicals to lose a ton of weight.

So.... let me get this straight....  Eating chemical powders added to water, god knows what in a "protein" bar and food packed somewhere.... is healthier for me then food straight from a cow? I can't figure that logic out.

I understand that there is a "standard American diet" or SAD, however, it makes me just that. Sad. If I eat tons of rice, corn, bread, pastas, low-fat i.e. chemical laden dressings and prepackaged foods I feel miserable and fat. If I load up on "protein bars" my style ... i.e. a chicken breast or pastured bacon.... and dunk liberal amounts of healthy fats, and eat a crapload of vegetables...  I feel awesome and lose weight.

Isn't there room for all types?  Why do so many in the weight loss world want to push that THEIR way is the only way?

Ok... I admit I think my way of eating healthy whole foods is the best way but ... well... it is. At least its closer to the way nature intended.

And.... as a great side piece... I am now down 23 pounds.... Yes... 23 POUNDS! That is a small toddler! 5 inches off my waist! That is almost half a food off of my waist...

So, I will go eat my bacon and eggs, chomp on my chicken breast, salad and olive oil and gnaw on my ribs.... yall can have your powders and chemicals and we can all get along :D

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

long (or short) lost wogger

I just realized I have not posted in almost two weeks! Part of that is because I have joined Sparkpeople and I realize that so often I post and track over there (icamp2 is my name there if you are on SP) and I don't get over here as often. However, blogging here I have a sense of freedom... maybe here I am a bit more open, I feel safer to spill my emotions that roll like the waves....

Well, I am giving up C25k for about five weeks. Not because I want to, however with a house full of foster children, bio children and my now freshly graduated teenager in Oregon for a month, I honestly don't have any way to run outside because nobody can watch the kids!

So, I have done a few things to keep on the right track until July when she comes back.

1) I have jumped back on the Whole 30 just to clean up my diet, well, except for today, because I was stuck at McDonalds and a mini Mcdonalds at that... so they didn't even have a salad :( I settled for a wrap and called it good since I logged over 5 miles walking at the zoo with six children!!!

2) I am doing the Jillian Michaels Shred each day - I love this workout and feel just sore enough to know its working when I am done. Except today. Because I logged 5 miles... with six kids... at the zoo.... (im stuck there)

3) I joined a Biggest Loser Challenge on SP. I think this will hold me accountable because I am part of a team, and if I screw up, well, the team screws up. I can't let a team down....

SO, if my theory works out well, then when Kiah returns from Oregon. I should be able to pick up at week 5... well.. ok, maybe do week 4 again.

Honestly? This is frustrating. I won't lie (here anyway) I do sort of feel like things were just headed in the right way for exercise and eating right then I have a houseful of kids (aged 17 months, 5 years, 8 years, 9 years, 10 years, 12 years). However... days like today, taking them to the zoo, watching them play, knowing they are safe.... well... it makes changes to my "routine" pretty bearable.

However... the McDonalds on the way home? well.... somethings gotta give... :)

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Week 4 day 1 - Not too shabby!

I had the last three days off of running due to weather, graduation of my daughter, family visiting and more. I have been doing workout videos ... Hello Jillian Michaels and Hello pain and agony!

BUT no running. The storms from Oklahoma moved here and made the idea of running outside dangerous in many ways so I was a bit worried I would lose my momentum.

Last night we went to the park to run. Of course, there was Miss Fitness. I now have 2 of them, MF1 and MF2. At least MF2 will smile and act somewhat sympathetic to my ginormous self running but the other one, I swear she laughs at me...

Frustrated that they are there but I think forget it, I'm going... Then the podcast that tells you when to run and walk doesn't download. I was REALLY bummed too because week 4 has a Michael Jackson podcast and well.. that sounded pretty cool! Which, by the way, these are my favorite podcasts yet! Check them out if you are doing C25k!  MJ and other fantabulous podcasts!

Point being, I found a different podcast, week four begins the alternating 3 and 5 minute runs. I don't even know WHAT podcast I found but it was not good. At all.

We warmed up, went for first 3 minute run and it wasn't even hard! Then halfway in the 5 minute run I realize that its STUCK! Like an old record, I didn't even realize a podcast COULD get stuck? So I ran until I couldn't run, reset it and tried again, well it reset from beginning... I will save to boring details ... Suffice it to say was no bueno. Somewhere in there I saw two more people come walk the track, but they were like me... then two beautiful in shape blondes joined in... jogging.. speed jogging.. past me... ugh.

BUT the whole point is I went! I did what I could do, I really need to stop comparing myself to perfection out there. That is easier said then done though!

Saturday, May 18, 2013

Finished week 3 of C25K!!!!

I didn't think I would finish this week. I tried again yesterday and almost fell over from exhaustion and just not .... getting... it...

I woke up early this morning and told Hannah we are RUNNING!

Ok I lied.

I told her last night and when I got up this morning, I grabbed coffee and computer and began coming up with reasons that I couldn't run... it is hot... muggy... people may be out... Katies birthday... Kiahs graduation... somewhere in Asia a tree fell...  yea... excuses.

But Hannah jumped up and said "We are running RIGHT?" (no coffee needed)

So I threw on my awesome new jogging shoes and off we went. Thankfully we were the only ones there. I am using a rap C25k podcast which... I actually don't listen to rap but this works well for me. I don't think I can keep running to George Jones or Willie Nelson... I walked, made the first 90 second and didn't think I could do the first 3 minute run but I DID!

I will admit that I ran the track three times on one half of it because the other half has hills but I DID IT! then I did the second 90 with no problems at all.

The second three minute run was ok for the first half, then I almost gave up. I was hot, sweating, panting, sticky and my legs were on fire... but I kept telling myself I am SO close to that goal and can begin working on week four... I closed my eyes (not a good recommendation) and kept running. When she said my run was up and to cool down

I sobbed.

I admit it. I just cried. I am crying again thinking about it.

I know in the "big" picture this is a small step but its a sign of my body strengthening. My muscles are responding. My body isn't fighting me, in fact it is gracing me with increased stamina and strength.

That is overwhelming and beyond my belief.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Week 3 day 2 .... and 2000 degrees out

I did day 1 on Monday, I did the first 90 run, no problem. Second run is 3 minutes and I made it almost through... The next 90 run I made it through but then my leg just stiffened completely in my calf. It was like a charly horse but it didn't hurt. My leg was just stiff and solid and would not move at all... I walked and stretched it out but it did not help at all. It just was solid and stuck and wouldn't move. I quite after 20 minutes.

Yesterday I didn't strength train, I did absolutely, well, nothing. Nada. Except work, watching my senior baby girl accept a scholarship check at a dinner, then my 12 year old baby girl/cheerleader accept a medal at her middle school concert for Solo Ensemble, and by the time all was said, I fell into bed exhausted.

Today I got home and threw on my shoes, I have been jogging on the track at the park, however I live in rural Arkansas town in the bible belt... the track is across from the church... the church I don't go to any longer... so my son Jake and I took off on a run around the area.

Bad. Idea.

It is about 90 out and very humid. I live on a hill, so big of a hill it has its own name... WHY I thought running these hills was a good idea I do not know.

SO, in all my brilliance, Jake and I set out. I ran the first 90, no problem. The first three minutes was mostly flat and I did it with a brief stop because... mark my words... HE COULDN'T KEEP GOING! Yup! I outdid my 10 year old baseball/football star! HAHAHA

Ok, anyway... so when it came to the next 90.. well that was all up hill. A big hill... as in... geometry could make some angles out of that thing...

Jake and I were both huffing and puffing by then so I walked the last ten minutes home. I feel zero regret about it considering that it was absolutely killing my calves. I am sure I will feel that tomorrow.

Then, after cooling down, I did a ten minute cardio video and a ten minute strength video from Sparkpeople. I guess I am new to the game because I didn't even know that existed! It's a bit overwhelming but I have joined and I am doing the 28 day exercise challenge.

Overall... an ok day fitness wise. I would be thrilled if my scale finally started to move though...

but that's another post :)

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Mother's Day Madness

Today was Mother's day, I am sure I went over my calorie count, I am sure that my non exercise day was probably going to show tomorrow but it is what it is...

I had my standard Ezekiel bread with 2 eggs scrambled in coconut oil (hey, I'm a creature of habit...) and went off to church.

Came home, I grilled teriyaki chicken thighs, made brown rice and a huge pan of broccoli, carrots, squash and snow peas. Was awesome and then I ate three thighs. Three.

And apple crisp that was full of organic apples, oats, honey, cinnamon and coconut oil.

And vanilla ice cream.

And the entire 8 pieces of caramel candy my daughter gave me.


I think I will switch to weighing in one time per week ;-)

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Finished week two!!! WooHooo!!!

I actually took four runs to make it but I did it! I am not sure if you are supposed to move on to the next week even if you didn't complete the entire program, however I feel like I should be able to run the entire run before I begin the next week. I have decided to give myself 2 weeks for each "week" of the program so that I don't beat myself up if I can't do it.

Week one took me several attempts .... The first run I couldn't even run even half of the 60 second runs.

Well today, I went to the jogging path with my girls. I was SO excited to see that there was not even one other person there! I was halfway through and doing well when Miss Fitness showed up. Ugh. She is so fit and perky and bops along without breaking a sweat. I made sure we stayed BEHIND her, no way am I running in front.

Anyway... bunny trails... sigh....

Fourth run was fine, our pace had changed so it was the uphill part of the path, but I could make it. Run five I was really panting. I wasn't sure I was going to be able to do the last one but when it came time... my girls came through...

"You can do it mom! You can do it!" I started to go and could feel the struggle, they sensed it and began counting.... 88... 87...86...85... They were counting the seconds. I could feel the emotion rise and the tears began. It may seem silly to some but just the fact that my body responds and I CAN do this! It was overwhelming, so I became all teared up and was able to complete it. Kiah reminded me that we had went 2 miles during that 30 minutes which felt even better.

Baby steps.... with the help of my babies :)

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Week 2 day 2 C25K

I worked late, had a rough day with several kids struggling and found myself thinking ... "I just want to run"

Wow! WooHooooo! Which, its a good thing I want to run because it ended up being a bad food day. Very bad food day. As in Taco Bell for dinner and a diet coke. So I needed some activity!

I ran yesterday and have been working hard to alternate running/nerd fitness strength training. yesterday's run was cut short, not necessarily because I wore out but because it was REALLY hot and I live at the top of a BIG hill. I was going to jog the way around but realized that I may not make it up that hill if I didn't go home when I did.

It's not much but its better each day and that I will be thankful for!

So, back to today! I came home, handed the taco's to the kids (my kiddo was going to cook dinner and then let me know she had zero clue what to do with the chicken breasts left out... at 7pm....)

I threw on my sneakers and jogging clothes, they quickly joined in and off we went to the running track. I made it for the first 20 minutes and my shins began to hurt. I slowed down the walking segment and of course, it put me just in line with Miss Universe... Miss Fit as a Fiddle.... and my self esteem plummeted, I couldn't jog in front of her and so I stopped, slowed down, did a brisk walk for the last 20 minutes.

I could beat myself up but I won't. I did 30 minutes of exercise plus 10 minutes of strength. I'll take that :D

Wednesday, May 8, 2013


I learned something yesterday, have pondered this very. simple. fact.

It is ok to be hungry.

I won't die, nobody is going to hurt me, I'm not being deprived. In fact, maybe feeling hungry is a good thing? True hunger... not just the knowing "oh I haven't eaten in 2 hours" feeling...

I am not sure where this became a fear for me. Maybe the twelve year old kid who didn't have a home, maybe all those nights when I wasn't sure where my mom was or where I was laying my head, let alone have a meal. See... back then, I often stayed at a friends home and I was so embarrassed to eat I would never eat around them. I would say I wasn't hungry and sit alone in the other room while the entire family ate together. In fact, it became such a big thing that if I ever made an attempt to eat a meal, then everybody would loudly exclaim and ponder that I was actually eating, so, I became even more embarrassed and ate even less.

Maybe it was all the frozen hoagie burgers that were microwaved because my single mom worked at a convenience store and did the best she could. I hated them. Hated the salty formless patty on a soft soggy bun. I hated picking the milk from the cooler that was so often outdated because nobody wanted it. Food was a big issue for me.

I guess I never realized that, but it seems obvious.

As an adult, so much of my life centers around food. I have always had a full cupboard. I could easily live in my house for a month and have a full supply of food. I have always focused on healthy whole foods, canning food (currently have over 200 jars of meats, vegetables, sauces, beans, jelly). I feel immense satisfaction when I pick up groceries and see full shelves.

I am a therapist... and until yesterday... I never even saw the link myself. Wow.

I was at work, my stomach was growling and I found myself beginning to panic. Full out anxiety hit like a wall that was threatening to suffocate me. I realized that I had no food at my desk and I panicked even more. I began to think of where I could go to find food and then it hit me... it is JUST hunger. That is all. No panic necessary. I sat there and allowed myself a moment to really process what it was like to just be hungry in a normal way.

I realized that I eat all the time to keep that feeling away. Hunger equals panic for me. Hunger equals fear. Hunger is being alone and not having family. Hunger is long lonely nights when you have no idea where your mother is. Hunger is being too embarrassed and full of shame to come to the table. Hunger equals so much emotional pain for me. I guess it is true...

I eat too much to keep that panic and fear away.


I am 37, a strong and solid independent woman, a mother of five amazing children, a mental health therapist, a survivor.

And its ok to be hungry.

 Hunger means that my body is working. Hunger means I have burned my calories and need to nourish and feed my muscles, my bones, my brain, all the cells that make me who I am.

Hunger is not to be feared. I have no fear anymore.

I feel liberated.....

Monday, May 6, 2013

Workout of the day!

First...  I didn't jog yet. Nope. Raining like I still live in Oregon. I am seriously irritated BUT I did get my new kicks! I am the proud owner of a new pair of Asics! I am pretty excited, they were a good buy off of Amazon for 65.00 compared to some other sites I looked at. I know.... all recommendations are to go to a running store and have your feet measured, tested and all that. Maybe someday but while I live in rural Ozarks, Amazon it is! I did choose these ones as they came up in multiple recommendations for overweight runners. In this pic... I hadn't tried them on yet... I can't run in the rain with them because they may get wet and dirty and.. oh yea... isn't that the point?

However, the lazy being I am (cmon, I had to work hard to get round like this!) decided I don't want to run in the rain. I am considering joining Curves, but in the meantime I need to be doing SOMETHING so I found this amazing workout... brought to you courtesy of my kitchen bench and a gallon of milk!!!


So I began looking for basic strength training at home for idiots like me that have zero coordination and find workout videos to be so frustrating I give up. I did some googling and found THIS!!! http://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/2009/12/09/beginner-body-weight-workout-burn-fat-build-muscle/

YES! Something I can DO! Well... er... it actually went something like this.

Strap on my new shoes (wow so tight! Wasn't expecting that, thought they would be dreamy to put on... er.. no... can feet lose weight?)

Jog through one end of my house to the other for three minutes, then realize I could be like Rocky and add jogging up and down the stairs to my back and forth jog (hey, I'm a hero in my mind!)

First Circuit - armed with good music and a water bottle...

20 squats - easy breezy
10 pushups - done
20 lunges - ok... ouch but ok
10 dumbbell rows - breeze (am I doing it right?)
15 second plank  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA seriously?? who makes this torture up. Ten seconds pushed it
30 jumping jacks - is breathing absolutely necessary?

Took a chug of water and back to circuit 2
20 lunges... my right leg wobbles and won't hold weight... stop at 15
10 pushups - barely
20 lunges... oh shit... did those... I'm supposed to do squats... 9 squats later I feel like throwing up...

Well boys and girls... that was my awesome workout for the day. I'm pretty out of shape... BUT I won't get discouraged! NOPE! Just like this pic.... I did more then yesterday...

***EDITED to add... I went back and did the third circuit after about ten minutes of rest. No idea if that is smart or not but I did it!

Sunday, May 5, 2013

What to EAT?

I am anti diet

Great coming from an overweight mom huh?

Ever since I could begin to think about food, I was concerned with chemicals in food. I have never been one to partake in easy bake meals or even much junk food. In fact I really didn't have a weight problem until I went Vegan


I know... most people think that vegetarian and vegan lifestyles are perfect, and for some they are but for me they were a one way road to obesity. There is a lot of science behind that (hormones, soy, need for certain fats blah blah blah) The point is, that is when I became obese and have struggled since then.

My Dr is the one who originally put me on Atkins, at that time I was still a vegetarian and it was one hell of a hard transition. However I lost 75 pounds and never felt better. Enter bad divorce, relocation to another part of the state, college, graduate school, five kids and a full time job well... Pizza and Pasta became easy.

I had moved back to a whole foods diet after being discouraged by the "low fat" suggestions of South Beach. I couldn't wrap my head around the concept that eating more chemicals was somehow better for me then eating natural fats and proteins. Like the picture says.. I trust cows more then chemists....

I have long been a fan of Michael Pollan, his rules make sense. Don't eat what your great grandparents wouldn't recognize... Eat food, mostly plants, not too much... Don't eat foods with more then 5 ingredients, ingredients you can't pronounce or high fructose corn syrup.

Add in some Weston Price and the need for whole foods, pastured beef, healthy fats (Hello Coconut Oil!!!) and raw dairy. Now THAT makes sense to me!

And throw in some Tosca Reno... Eating proteins, fats and healthy carbs in controlled manner... Yup.

So the crazy thing is... if I knew all of this why am I so heavy? Well... knowing and doing is two different things. If you came to my house you would find zero junk food. None. Ever. Lots of meats, fresh vegetables, I order organic food from Azure Standard, I garden and can my produce...

But I eat ALOT, and at night, and all through the day. I realize the other day that I had brought a quart of trail mix I made, sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds, cashews, raisins, dates and carob chips.

I ate it in 2 days. Yup. 2 days.

SO, my plan is daily tracking of my food. Eat what I want until I am full. Exercise 5 days per week. Lots of water and NO MORE EATING LUNCH OUT.

Just have to keep yelling that to myself because that is where I can easily pack on a days worth of food...

That amazing Nachos with the chicken and vegetables... and cheese sauce... and guacamole... and sour cream... uh huh... its amazing...

Zero more. Nada. Ok... once a week. I have to go once a week because of a work commitment. But I can choose a salad, or a wrap or something that isn't 2200 calories :)

And uh... I didn't run last night ..... Rain was intense..... bad bad bad

Saturday, May 4, 2013

Motivation ... Where art thou?

Motivation is zero, actually about a negative 4.

I ran on Monday which was a fail... Tuesday I planned on joining Curves so that I can alternate run with Curves (that's a different post altogether) but I was rerouted to ER with my daughter (she is fine, multiple tests later but that's a different post)

Along came Wednesday, perfect day for a run! Except I worked late, got home late, was dark and raining. Ok... Thursday is the day....

Thursday was the school play. I worked until 5:30 and play was at 6:00. Of course when we left I had to take my thespian and family out for dinner at ...er...sonic... Cheeseburger and tots and 9pm meant no exercise and a whopping lack of energy.

Friday Hoooray! I'm so ready to exercise AND I got my new running shoes!!!! And I forgot that I had to pick up three extra kids and cook dinner and it was POURING outside....

So Saturday morning I will run. I promise. I will get out on the track..

Guess what. It is the town Yard Sale today... I will not humiliate myself by running on that track in front of everybody. I should be strong, I should use my positive reinforcement skills. I am a freaking therapist for criminy's sake. I should overcome. But Shame is strong. So here I sit.... typing my frustration.

Tonight. I will go tonight. Scouts honor (did I have to be a scout for that to matter?)

Monday, April 29, 2013

Week 2 - Epic Fail

I don't know what happened today....

Week two ups the run times to 90 seconds. I had plans to jog during boychilds baseball practice but found ourselves ready an hour before practice so decided to run first and relax at practice.

Got to the track, walked five minutes.... no prob, went faster then I remembered.

First run - easy breezy

Second run - not a problem but Hannah clunked out, she had run too fast and her side hurt.

Third run - My legs seized up! It wasn't that I was tired or out of breath, no. My muscles just tightened and said no more. None. Zilch. Not moving.

I walked through the next 90 second run hoping that this would help, even stopped and stretched twice, but they were so tight, almost like having a Charlie horse in your leg but without the pain.

I stopped at twenty minutes and I am very frustrated with myself. 2 days ago I did fine and today nothing.

Some thoughts?
- heat and humidity? This is the first day I have ran when it was hot (85 but muggy)
- dehydrated? I drank a lot of coffee this morning and no water today. I am sure it didn't help!
- double layer of clothes? I had a spandex jog tank top on with a tshirt over. It was hot. Seriously hot. and not in a good way.

I'm wanting to go jog again today... we shall see how far this gets me.... I am frustrated :-(

Finished week one!!

I have started the week and couldn't make it half through. I gave myself permission to take two weeks for each level instead of one. Imagine my surprise when Saturday morning I jumped up and headed to the running track... was rainy and cool out and I really didn't want to run by my 12 year old cheerleader encouraged me to go.

I went.

I conquered.

I feel amazing.

So I bought a brand Spanking New pair of running shoes!

Color me proud!

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Week 1 day 2

I am driving home and realizing I look forward to jogging. My legs are not hurting and its a beautiful day. Temperature around 68 degrees and I am home in early evening.

I gather my ten and twelve year old cheerleaders. We sort out socks and shoes, who is running with a dog and who is carrying a waterbottle. Thirty minutes later we are off!

It takes approximately 5 minutes to walk to the park. There we find a great walking path (how did I not ever see this before??) Hannah jogs with me while Jake forgets he is my cheerleader and heads to the playground.

My legs are hurting. Bad. Seriously going to bust into pieces bad. I jog 2 of the 60 second sprints and realize my legs are so tight I can barely move them. I stop to stretch and discouragement sets in. I can't even get through day one.

Then as I am stretching, I realize I am 37 and packing at least 75 extra pounds. It isn't going to be as easy as it used to. I allow myself to briskly walk until the pain subsides. I keep going with my cheerleader beside me.... Soon I can pick up two more 60 seconds and it feels good.... It FEELS GOOD!!!

Before I know it we are 25 minutes into this, so we head for home. While it takes 5 minutes to get to the park, it takes about ten minutes to get home due to one very.large.hill.

I forgot we went down the hill... hefting myself up the hill was about as fun as a root canal. Hannah got behind me and pushed me up saying "I think you can, I think you can"

Teamwork. It Rocks.

Week 1 day 1

I am ready! I have read up on what I need to know (go slow, drink lots of water, eat food after, expect pain)

I strapped on my old shoes (first mistake) and my motivated 12 year old was my cheerleader. We dropped the boy at baseball practice and prepared to run the first run

And then I ran into the exboyfriend. Ugh. In running clothes. With no makeup. Not a grand moment... I wanted to shrink my 240 pound self into the car...

BUT we went off with our podcast... I warned her that I may struggle. 5 minutes of walking then 60 seconds jogging, 90 seconds walking... alternating for 30 minutes.

First 5 minutes - awesome! I'm feeling good... pass some people on the street but I feel ok....

First jog - ouch...

second jog I turned from a dog and BOOM... im jogging uphill. I can't breathe. My chest is tight. Am I having a heart attack??

Third jog... my shins are about to split in two. I can't breathe. Reality is setting in....

Fourth jog and I realize we are not making it.... 12 year old cheerleader is laughing.. MOM!!! You can't jog anymore?

I decide as long as I keep briskly walking then its better then nothing.... so I keep walking, SHE decides that we need to take a shortcut back to practice, I agree.

We made it 22 minutes. SO... week 1 day 1 wasn't quite a flop. It was more then we did the previous day but we didn't make it.

**** The following day I thought I was going to die. My legs and shins hurt so bad I can barely walk. I am stiff and several times believe that my legs may give out under me. No Bueno.

I'm gonna do WHAT??

I'm doing WHAT??

Jogging. 5k. Race.


 Er... no. See I am 37 years old, I am about 70 pounds overweight. I have five children. I hate exercise. I work full time. Running sucks. I have a broken knee, or at least I did four years ago. I'm fat. I have curly hair and its hot out. I think runners look like idiots. I am a fat lazy couch lump who would rather read a therapeutic book then walk outside. I hate exercise.

So, why am I starting the Couch to 5k program?

I don't know. It started with realizing that bending over was becoming hard. I realize that its a familiar feeling... I have had five children. My baby is ten. I guess I can't blame the pregnancy for this feeling anymore.

I have realized more and more how unfit I am, and also realized I am not getting younger. Or cuter. Or better hair... but that can't be fixed with jogging.

However I have been thinking of what I can do to get healthy again... I have begun eating better and that's great, but when I sit all day for work (Hey, I'm a therapist... hard to run laps while analyzing a three year olds brain!) and then come home and sit doing casenotes (ok, sad excuse). So I need to get healthy!

Option A - Join a gym. Er... I live in rural Arkansas. The Ozarks. Town of 400. Not gonna happen....

Option B - Buy a home gym ... ya right. I'm going to invest 800 bucks into equipment I may not use?

Option C - Home exercise videos. YA right? And I would do this with my children lined up to offer advice? Laugh? crack up at mom's moves... er... no

OR final option? Jog!

I don't jog. I covered those reasons earlier, or at least that is what I said to all the runners in my life. THEN... I woke up one morning and remembered how much I loved jogging when I was young. I even remember my first purple and teal jogging suit and how I would jog for hours (well, seemed that way) and how good I felt...

So, armed with some google searches, some podcasts and comfy sneakers.... (and an extra 75 pounds) I am off...

I have no idea where this is going. In theory I can run a 5k in 10 weeks. I think 20 weeks is more realistic.